Hard Day

Lately, Abigale and I have been arguing...a lot.  I am disappointed in her grades and her overall bad attitude.  I have always only expected her best and I don't feel like she is giving her best at school.  I could tolerate the bad attitude if she was giving her school work the attention it deserves, but she isn't.  So, that makes the bad attitude even harder to tolerate.  Sure, I have a good reason to be upset with her and she needs to know that the grades she has are not acceptable. And I am her mother, so it is my job to discipline her and guide her through these tumultuous years.

The problem is, I forgot something that is even more important than discipline and guidance.  Love.  Tonight Abby and I were watching TV and she looked at me and said, "Mom, do you hate me?"  I said, "Of course, not. I love you.  You know that."  She said, "No mom, I don't.  All you have done is yell at me all week and I don't think you like me anymore."  My heart sank.  She was right.  All I had done was tell her how disappointed I was and how she had 2 weeks to bring up her grades or she would lose all her privileges and how she didn't care about anything but herself and her friends.  Never once did I tell her that I loved her.  Never once did I show her any compassion.  Never once did I think about what it is like to be 13 living in a new city and going to a new school. 

And, on top of all that, she has a cute, little sister that is 8 years old and very easy to love and be around (at this moment) and all she sees is that we have fun with Hannah and shower her with love.  In her mind, all we feel for her is disappointment and all we feel for her sister is pride and love.  I tried to explain that they are just different ages and that we don't have the challenges with Hannah that we have with her because Hannah is only 8, but I'm not sure I convinced her.  We talked for a while and she is now happily chatting with her friend on the phone, but I am still smothered in guilt and absolutely determined to make things right again.

You can bet that a lot of Mommy-Abby time is in our future.  I will continue to get on her case when necessary, but I will also make sure to point out all of the positive as well.  And, there are A LOT of positives.

Abby & Me