It has been an adjustment for the whole family now that we have a teenager living among us. I know that sounds awfully dramatic, but believe me, living with a teenager is dramatic. The attitude, mood swings, and constant oscillating between being a child and being an adult is enough to keep even the best parent stressed out.
My teenager is 13, she will be 14 in 3 months. She is in her last year of Middle School and then she'll be running with the big dogs. So far, she has navigated the changes in her body and personality pretty well, probably better than we have. But as time ticks by, I find myself desperate to fill her with as much information about everything she will experience over the next few years as I possibly can. I mean, my window of opportunity is very narrow, in a matter of months or weeks she will completely shut me off and I will have to trust that I gave her the best information and values possible. I know as a mom I shouldn't have unrealistic expectations, but its so hard when its your own daughter. I don't want her to know the shame of giving herself to someone that treats her like a piece of trash or the hurt of having her heart broken by the one she thought was her forever true love. I also want to make her understand that the decisions she makes right now can have an everlasting effect on her life.
Time has flown by so quickly. It seems like just yesterday that I took her to her first day of preschool. And it isn't too far around the corner when she will be driving and then off to college. I wish I could freeze time and hold on, but all I can do is hope the job her dad and I have done was enough. Then, we have to step aside and let her spread her wings and fly.
Friday, December 30, 2011
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
Back to the Grind
Well, another Christmas has come and gone. It always amazes me how quickly its all over. I mean I spend weeks, sometimes months, shopping for presents, wrapping presents, decorating the house, and so on. Then, in about 20 minutes, it is all over. The highlights this year were: Abigale got the beloved iTouch she was convinced she wasn't going to get and the look on her face was truly priceless; Hannah got the American Girl Doll & Figit she was drooling over and even handled it pretty well when the first Figit didn't work and she had to wait until the next day to find another. Thankfully, we found one at our 5th stop (and double thanks that she didn't have a specific color she just had to have).
This year was our first Christmas in Texas. We were thankful that the weather dropped into the 50's so that it kinda felt like Christmas. By New Year's we will be back up to the 70's! I guess that is OK, it sure beats shoveling mounds of snow. I am just not looking forward to the unrelenting heat that is right around the corner... Overall, for our first Christmas in Texas, this wasn't bad. We spent it with family and everyone got what they wanted, so really, we can't complain too much. The best part is all the time I am getting to spend with my kids while they are on their Winter Break. Even though Christmas is over, I still have a whole week to spend with them before they go back to school and I leave for a conference in Dallas. And, that is what Christmas is really all about - family, love, and peace on Earth.
This year was our first Christmas in Texas. We were thankful that the weather dropped into the 50's so that it kinda felt like Christmas. By New Year's we will be back up to the 70's! I guess that is OK, it sure beats shoveling mounds of snow. I am just not looking forward to the unrelenting heat that is right around the corner... Overall, for our first Christmas in Texas, this wasn't bad. We spent it with family and everyone got what they wanted, so really, we can't complain too much. The best part is all the time I am getting to spend with my kids while they are on their Winter Break. Even though Christmas is over, I still have a whole week to spend with them before they go back to school and I leave for a conference in Dallas. And, that is what Christmas is really all about - family, love, and peace on Earth.
Saturday, December 24, 2011
Just like me
You know how your mother used to say, "I hope you get a daughter that acts just the way you do"? Well, my mother got her wish. My daughter, Abigale, is my clone. She looks just like me and has my personality and most of all my attitude. I see so much of myself in her that is it scary. She's less aggressive and has a much kinder heart, but she's definitely my girl.
I remember when I was her age if I didn't think I was getting what I wanted for Christmas, I would get in a mood and carry around my bad attitude. Most of the time I did get what I wanted, but my mom had a great way of convincing me that there was absolutely no way I was getting what I asked for and I always fell for it. Same routine with me and Abby. She wants an iTouch more than anything and I have her absolutely convinced that there is no possible way we could afford one and that even if we could we wouldn't get one because she has a smart phone so there really isn't any point (which her father firmly believes). She even said to me today that this is the worst Christmas ever. I asked why and she said, "Well first because we live here and second because I'm not getting the one thing that I really want."
As her mother I know that I should be upset and disappointed in her blatant bad attitude. I mean a lot of parents can't afford something as expensive as an iTouch and she should be grateful for anything that she gets. But, since she is my clone I totally get how she feels and know that like me, she can't help the way she feels. I also hope that like me she will grow to at least hide her disappointment better or maybe even become less self-centered and enjoy just being with family and truly experience the joy of giving that perfect gift to someone.
This Christmas will be a good one. Most of the items my girls asked for will be under the tree tomorrow morning and then we will spend our day with my family. And I can't wait to see the look of surprise and then the flash of guilt for being such a pain in the ass on Abigale's face and then the happiness that she will feel for at least the rest of the day.
I remember when I was her age if I didn't think I was getting what I wanted for Christmas, I would get in a mood and carry around my bad attitude. Most of the time I did get what I wanted, but my mom had a great way of convincing me that there was absolutely no way I was getting what I asked for and I always fell for it. Same routine with me and Abby. She wants an iTouch more than anything and I have her absolutely convinced that there is no possible way we could afford one and that even if we could we wouldn't get one because she has a smart phone so there really isn't any point (which her father firmly believes). She even said to me today that this is the worst Christmas ever. I asked why and she said, "Well first because we live here and second because I'm not getting the one thing that I really want."
As her mother I know that I should be upset and disappointed in her blatant bad attitude. I mean a lot of parents can't afford something as expensive as an iTouch and she should be grateful for anything that she gets. But, since she is my clone I totally get how she feels and know that like me, she can't help the way she feels. I also hope that like me she will grow to at least hide her disappointment better or maybe even become less self-centered and enjoy just being with family and truly experience the joy of giving that perfect gift to someone.
This Christmas will be a good one. Most of the items my girls asked for will be under the tree tomorrow morning and then we will spend our day with my family. And I can't wait to see the look of surprise and then the flash of guilt for being such a pain in the ass on Abigale's face and then the happiness that she will feel for at least the rest of the day.
Friday, December 23, 2011
7 years
My mom died 7 years ago today. At the time, I was angry and depressed, but mostly overwhelmed with sadness. I didn't know I could hurt that bad. Kind of like when Abigale was born and up until that very moment I had no clue I could love someone so deeply, it took the death of my mom for me to understand how deep hurt can go and how hard it is to come back from such a painful place. Because she wanted to make it through the holidays so she wouldn't ruin Christmas for us, when she did die 2 days before Christmas I felt obligated to make it through that first Christmas for my girls and for my mom. I really don't remember too much about that Christmas except that I was hollow on the inside. I also remember that for about a month after she died, every time I walked outside my eyes would raise to the sky because I thought of her as being in heaven.
Now, here I am 7 years later reflecting on that time and it still very painful. It also still hurts so bad that she isn't here. And, I feel a little bit of guilt that I love my new stepmom so much. I can't help it, she is like our guardian angel. Without her my kids wouldn't have a grandmother and my dad would be completely lost. He was lost until JoNell and he found each other. I don't even allow myself to think about what would have happened if he hadn't found JoNell and built a new life with her. The merging of our two families has brought so much to all of us and I really am grateful to have all of them in my life. But, I still can't help but feel guilty for loving JoNell and her family so much. If my mom hadn't died, she and my dad would still be together and my kids would have their Nana to love and spoil them. But she did die and we had to move on. For us, our kids and for my mom. I believe deep down in my core that she would have wanted us to move on and if she can see us from where she is, she knows that JoNell is giving them the love and support that is so important for children to feel throughout their lives.
Well, I feel like 7 years is a long time and I have come a long way in 7 years. She may be gone, but I talk to her and carry her in my heart always. In 7 years, not one day has gone by that I haven't thought about her. In some ways, I think more about her now then I did when she was alive. I can't just call her up and ask her advice, I have to really think about what she would want me to do and "channel" that when making decisions. I think these next 7 years will be easier. The hole is still in my heart and it always will be, but I have escaped the clutch of depression and am ready to move forward and embrace what this life has in store for me.
Now, here I am 7 years later reflecting on that time and it still very painful. It also still hurts so bad that she isn't here. And, I feel a little bit of guilt that I love my new stepmom so much. I can't help it, she is like our guardian angel. Without her my kids wouldn't have a grandmother and my dad would be completely lost. He was lost until JoNell and he found each other. I don't even allow myself to think about what would have happened if he hadn't found JoNell and built a new life with her. The merging of our two families has brought so much to all of us and I really am grateful to have all of them in my life. But, I still can't help but feel guilty for loving JoNell and her family so much. If my mom hadn't died, she and my dad would still be together and my kids would have their Nana to love and spoil them. But she did die and we had to move on. For us, our kids and for my mom. I believe deep down in my core that she would have wanted us to move on and if she can see us from where she is, she knows that JoNell is giving them the love and support that is so important for children to feel throughout their lives.
Well, I feel like 7 years is a long time and I have come a long way in 7 years. She may be gone, but I talk to her and carry her in my heart always. In 7 years, not one day has gone by that I haven't thought about her. In some ways, I think more about her now then I did when she was alive. I can't just call her up and ask her advice, I have to really think about what she would want me to do and "channel" that when making decisions. I think these next 7 years will be easier. The hole is still in my heart and it always will be, but I have escaped the clutch of depression and am ready to move forward and embrace what this life has in store for me.
Thursday, December 22, 2011
The Flu Has Hit The Trent Family...
Things were going so well, too well. Anytime our lives are running along smoothly, something always has to happen to remind us that we really aren't in control. Well, this time is no different, so instead of enjoying our first Christmas in Texas and spending time with our family, Jay will be shivering and moaning in bed because he has the flu. I feel so bad for him and wish there was more I could do for him. He refused to go to the doctor, so short of Nyquil and trying to keep the house as quiet as possible for him, there really isn't much to be done.
The worst part is I am petrified that we will all get it. Wouldn't that put a damper on our holiday spirit! There's never a good time to get the flu, but this is possibly the worst time. Not only is Christmas 3 days away, I am attending a conference in Dallas January 3rd and it is something I just can't miss.
Well, stay tuned and keep your fingers crossed!
The worst part is I am petrified that we will all get it. Wouldn't that put a damper on our holiday spirit! There's never a good time to get the flu, but this is possibly the worst time. Not only is Christmas 3 days away, I am attending a conference in Dallas January 3rd and it is something I just can't miss.
Well, stay tuned and keep your fingers crossed!
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
Secret Reader
Today I had the opportunity to read a story to Hannah's class. I was their Secret Reader! Hannah was shocked when I showed up to her class and you could tell she was wondering why in the heck I was there.
The teacher selected two books and I got to choose which one I wanted to read. So, I chose a book about a family of three little girls that wanted nothing more than a real baby doll for Christmas. It was a sweet story and in the end they got the doll. What I wasn't expecting was the singing part in the book. Yes, I actually sang a line or two of "You are my sunshine, my little sunshine". I was completely mortified and could feel the sweat running down my back, but I kept my composure and finished the book.
When we were finished and the teacher asked Hannah if she liked having her mom come to read to them, her little face was beat red. We teased her a bit and then I thanked the class for letting me come read to them. They all said they liked my reading voice and my singing and to please come again. It was really neat.
The teacher selected two books and I got to choose which one I wanted to read. So, I chose a book about a family of three little girls that wanted nothing more than a real baby doll for Christmas. It was a sweet story and in the end they got the doll. What I wasn't expecting was the singing part in the book. Yes, I actually sang a line or two of "You are my sunshine, my little sunshine". I was completely mortified and could feel the sweat running down my back, but I kept my composure and finished the book.
When we were finished and the teacher asked Hannah if she liked having her mom come to read to them, her little face was beat red. We teased her a bit and then I thanked the class for letting me come read to them. They all said they liked my reading voice and my singing and to please come again. It was really neat.
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| Hannah and Sammy keeping me company while I work |
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
Parent-Teacher Conference
Parent-teacher conferences are always a bit awkward. I'm sure the teacher is nervous about telling a parent what their child's strengths and weaknesses are and can only hope that the parent is receptive to hearing those candid comments about their precious child. As a parent, I always try to go into these meetings with an open mind. Although I spend more time with my child than her teacher and have a good grasp of her personality and characteristics, I don't see her relating to 17 other kids her age on a daily basis the way her teacher does, so with all of this in mind I had Hannah's 2nd grade Parent-Teacher conference yesterday.
Overall, no big surprises. She is bright, academically above grade level, and a social butterfly. Her "opportunities for improvement" are that she needs to focus more when taking tests and that she has got to control her talking (good luck with that one). What was surprising is that this teacher said the exact same thing her first grade teacher said to me during last year's conference - "Hannah is a tough nut to crack". I'm really not sure what that means, but for some reason teachers struggle to figure out my little lady. I think I was actually able to give him some insight, and I have never felt that before.
I find that usually teachers have their mind made up about what causes a child to exhibit certain behaviors and anything a parent says is just dismissed. But this teacher was different. I felt he truly wanted my feedback and when I gave him my opinion, I swear I saw a twinkle in his eye. I also got a vibe from him that he genuinely embraces a parent's input and doesn't see parents as intrusive, but as an ally.
Overall, no big surprises. She is bright, academically above grade level, and a social butterfly. Her "opportunities for improvement" are that she needs to focus more when taking tests and that she has got to control her talking (good luck with that one). What was surprising is that this teacher said the exact same thing her first grade teacher said to me during last year's conference - "Hannah is a tough nut to crack". I'm really not sure what that means, but for some reason teachers struggle to figure out my little lady. I think I was actually able to give him some insight, and I have never felt that before.
I find that usually teachers have their mind made up about what causes a child to exhibit certain behaviors and anything a parent says is just dismissed. But this teacher was different. I felt he truly wanted my feedback and when I gave him my opinion, I swear I saw a twinkle in his eye. I also got a vibe from him that he genuinely embraces a parent's input and doesn't see parents as intrusive, but as an ally.
Monday, December 12, 2011
A New Life
It has been almost 2 years since my last blog. I don't know why, I guess I just lost interest. But when I came to look at my blog today, I realized how much I missed it and how cool it is to archive the every day and big events in our life.
A lot has changed in 2 years. Just this past June we moved from Northern Virginia to Texas. Talk about culture shock (talk about heat). It was a big adjustment for all of us, but we have finally settled in. Abigale definitely took the move the hardest. Friends are pretty much the most important thing to a 13 year old, so moving 1500 miles away from all her friends was not something she too happy about. Luckily, she made friends quickly in her new school and got lucky with all of her teachers.
We also added a new animal to the mix this year. Cleo, our "baby" Mastiff. She just turned one in November and although the vet says she won't get any taller, apparently she will pack on the pounds in her second year. So, her current weight of 130 pounds is likely to grow substantially. Even though she is big (human size) she is easily the sweetest and most gentle dog I have ever met. She loves her human family and her doggy brothers and gets so upset if she thinks she has done something to displease us. She was also the easiest of our three dogs to train and we are thankful for that. With her size, if she wasn't cooperative things could get pretty tricky.
A lot has changed in 2 years. Just this past June we moved from Northern Virginia to Texas. Talk about culture shock (talk about heat). It was a big adjustment for all of us, but we have finally settled in. Abigale definitely took the move the hardest. Friends are pretty much the most important thing to a 13 year old, so moving 1500 miles away from all her friends was not something she too happy about. Luckily, she made friends quickly in her new school and got lucky with all of her teachers.
We also added a new animal to the mix this year. Cleo, our "baby" Mastiff. She just turned one in November and although the vet says she won't get any taller, apparently she will pack on the pounds in her second year. So, her current weight of 130 pounds is likely to grow substantially. Even though she is big (human size) she is easily the sweetest and most gentle dog I have ever met. She loves her human family and her doggy brothers and gets so upset if she thinks she has done something to displease us. She was also the easiest of our three dogs to train and we are thankful for that. With her size, if she wasn't cooperative things could get pretty tricky.
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| Abby 12-12 |
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| Me playing with my phone. 10-11 |
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| Hannah was a vampire for Halloween! |
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| Hannah took this picture of Abby. 12-12 |
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| Hannah posing. 9-11 |
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| Cleo and Hannah snoozing. 10-12 |
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| Sammy hanging out with me while I work. 10-11 |
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