What do you mean, high school?

That's right, Abigale starts high school next year!  Don't ask me where the time went or how she made it through middle school in lightening speed.  Some how, some way, she is going to high school next year.  Reality hit hard when she came home this week and told me we had to pick all of her classes by next Thursday!  This isn't something to be taken lightly, I mean what she takes as a Freshman will dictate her whole high school career.

So, we spent the week talking about foreign languages, science vs. math, which sport to play, and when to use up the two Study Hall credits she can use during her four year journey.  Monday night she and I will head over to the high school for an orientation and then all she has to do is finish up the 8th grade.  Then, in 6 months she starts high school, 2 years she will be driving, and in 4 years off to college she will go.  My baby is growing up.

Finally Friday!

This has been a rough week.  I knew it was going to be hard because it was my first week back to work after Christmas break and I have to wrap up my February deadline which is always a pain.  But I never could have anticipated the other random bad things that were going to happen. Here's the list:

• One of my good friends lost her husband this week to suicide.
• Abigale dislocated her shoulder playing dodge ball and is now in a sling for a few days and then off to the Orthopedic Surgeon she goes.
• Hannah woke up this morning with a terrible stomach bug.  Poor baby puked 5 times before she was even supposed to leave for school.
• Out of the 8 appointments I had set for this week, 5 were no shows, 1 had me give the presentation standing in their lobby and the other two weren't the true decision makers so I got no decision. Lovely.

Today is the day my friend will bury her husband.  This will be a hard day for her.  When my mom died my dad called the funeral "the show".  I'm sure she will feel the same way, everyone whispering about how he killed himself and some of them there just to gawk and "get the scoop".  I hope they remember that funerals are for the living, not the dead.  Be there for my friend, help her, support her, show her that you care.

This weekend I will hug my girls and my husband a little tighter and count my blessings.  Next week can only get better, right?

And, Once Again I Am Reminded of How Short Life Truly Is

I got the worst news today.  One of my very best friend's lost her husband this week.  That is terrible enough on its own, but the worst part is he hung himself.  He called her and told her he was going to do it and by the time the police got there, he was gone.  My friend is still in shock, but she is already feeling the anger and guilt that comes along with such an enormous tragedy. 

To compound this tragedy, her baby sister has cancer.  She has been battling cancer for years and days before her husband took his own life they found out her sister's cancer has spread to her brain.  So, this 30 year old woman who is full of life and fighting for her every breath has just been given a much higher mountain to climb, while another person thought so little of his life that he ended it himself.

We just take so much for granted.  I mean if my friend's sister can get cancer in her 20's then none of us are in the clear, yet we take so much for granted.  We take people, time, and love for granted.  As much as we like to think we are in control, at a moment's notice it can all be gone.

Texas Snowman

This week was one of my company's National Conferences so I traveled to Dallas and was away from my family for two nights.  Well, that definitely qualified as an out-of-town business trip, so just like my daddy always did for my sister and me, I always like to bring back a little souvenir for my girls.  So, now it is a tradition and an expectation that mommy has a little something for them when I get home and this trip was no different.  Luckily the hotel I stayed in had a gift shop, so I didn't disappoint.

We all like a lot of things about Texas.  But the single biggest thing my girls miss (besides their friends) is the snow.  They loved sledding, building snowmen, and of course snow days off from school.  Here in Houston, we just don't have snow, so that has been a little sad for them this winter.  Well, I found the perfect gift.  A Texas Snowman snow globe.  It is basically a snowman without the snow (see picture below).  Both girls love snow globes, so I knew it would be a big hit.  And, I was right - they both loved it, especially Hannah.  Once she finally got the joke, she thought it was such a clever idea and spent the whole evening whirling it around.  She even carried it with her into the bathroom when she brushed her teeth before bed.

Well, I went to tuck her in and tell her good night and she hid under her covers.  I thought she was being silly at first and started tickling her and teasing her, until I realized her little red eyes had been crying.  I asked her what was wrong and she said that when she had taken the snow globe into the bathroom and set it on the counter it slid into the sink and broke.  She was obviously devastated.  I hugged her and told her how sorry I was that she didn't have the gift anymore and she said, "Mommy, I do miss the snowman but I was just so afraid to tell you I broke your gift, so that is why I cried."  I asked her why she would be afraid to tell me and she said, "Because you picked out the perfect gift and it came from your heart and I felt like when I broke the snow man I broke your heart."  Talk about a tear-jerker.  My heart swelled with love and pride for my little girl's sweet-natured soul and I told her that instead of breaking my heart she had made my it even happier and that I was so proud of her for being brave and telling me what happened.  These are the precious moments that life are all about.

A New Year Indeed

This is officially my last day of Winter Break. Tomorrow I'm headed to Dallas for my company's National Conference then its back to the grind until Summer! Winter Break is always my favorite vacation because everyone else is off too. You can totally disengage from work and its OK because everyone else is disengaged too. This break was no different. I so enjoyed the time I spent with my girls, Jay, and the rest of our family. Family is definitely one of the big perks of living in Texas.

Now that it is 2012, I am confused about how I feel. On one hand, I'm excited because it is an election year and my guy, Ron Paul, is doing better than I could have ever expected. I still don't think he will get the nomination and that will ultimately lead to our demise as a country, but I am still elated at the overwhelming support he has and for how far he has come since the 2008 elections. I'm actually making phone calls for his campaign and it is rewarding to give a little back to such an extraordinary man.

On the other hand, I'm very nervous about 2012. Is this the end of the world as we know it? Most laugh at me when I say such things, but I can't help being concerned. The world has been warned for centuries about its impending doom and it just seems to me that all the dooms day predictions are coming true.  Be prepared is all I am saying.

High School.  That's right, Abby will start High School in 2012.  This is something I am totally not ready for and something that came way too fast.  Middle School has been a wild ride, but High School is when you run with the big dogs.  I am nervous for her and petrified for me.  At least I have another 8 months to prepare!

Happy New Year!  Make this one count!

Abigale before her Winter Choir Concert

The girl is growing up fast!

I have a teenager...need I say more

It has been an adjustment for the whole family now that we have a teenager living among us.  I know that sounds awfully dramatic, but believe me, living with a teenager is dramatic.  The attitude, mood swings, and constant oscillating between being a child and being an adult is enough to keep even the best parent stressed out. 

My teenager is 13, she will be 14 in 3 months.  She is in her last year of Middle School and then she'll be running with the big dogs.  So far, she has navigated the changes in her body and personality pretty well, probably better than we have.  But as time ticks by, I find myself desperate to fill her with as much information about everything she will experience over the next few years as I possibly can.  I mean, my window of opportunity is very narrow, in a matter of months or weeks she will completely shut me off and I will have to trust that I gave her the best information and values possible.  I know as a mom I shouldn't have unrealistic expectations, but its so hard when its your own daughter.  I don't want her to know the shame of giving herself to someone that treats her like a piece of trash or the hurt of having her heart broken by the one she thought was her forever true love.  I also want to make her understand that the decisions she makes right now can have an everlasting effect on her life.

Time has flown by so quickly.  It seems like just yesterday that I took her to her first day of preschool.  And it isn't too far around the corner when she will be driving and then off to college.  I wish I could freeze time and hold on, but all I can do is hope the job her dad and I have done was enough.  Then, we have to step aside and let her spread her wings and fly.

Back to the Grind

Well, another Christmas has come and gone.  It always amazes me how quickly its all over.  I mean I spend weeks, sometimes months, shopping for presents, wrapping presents, decorating the house, and so on.  Then, in about 20 minutes, it is all over.  The highlights this year were: Abigale got the beloved iTouch she was convinced she wasn't going to get and the look on her face was truly priceless; Hannah got the American Girl Doll & Figit she was drooling over and even handled it pretty well when the first Figit didn't work and she had to wait until the next day to find another.  Thankfully, we found one at our 5th stop (and double thanks that she didn't have a specific color she just had to have).

This year was our first Christmas in Texas.  We were thankful that the weather dropped into the 50's so that it kinda felt like Christmas.  By New Year's we will be back up to the 70's!  I guess that is OK, it sure beats shoveling mounds of snow.  I am just not looking forward to the unrelenting heat that is right around the corner...  Overall, for our first Christmas in Texas, this wasn't bad.  We spent it with family and everyone got what they wanted, so really, we can't complain too much.  The best part is all the time I am getting to spend with my kids while they are on their Winter Break.  Even though Christmas is over, I still have a whole week to spend with them before they go back to school and I leave for a conference in Dallas.  And, that is what Christmas is really all about - family, love, and peace on Earth.

Just like me

You know how your mother used to say, "I hope you get a daughter that acts just the way you do"?  Well, my mother got her wish.  My daughter, Abigale, is my clone.  She looks just like me and has my personality and most of all my attitude.  I see so much of myself in her that is it scary.  She's less aggressive and has a much kinder heart, but she's definitely my girl.

I remember when I was her age if I didn't think I was getting what I wanted for Christmas, I would get in a mood and carry around my bad attitude.  Most of the time I did get what I wanted, but my mom had a great way of convincing me that there was absolutely no way I was getting what I asked for and I always fell for it.  Same routine with me and Abby.  She wants an iTouch more than anything and I have her absolutely convinced that there is no possible way we could afford one and that even if we could we wouldn't get one because she has a smart phone so there really isn't any point (which her father firmly believes).  She even said to me today that this is the worst Christmas ever.  I asked why and she said, "Well first because we live here and second because I'm not getting the one thing that I really want." 

As her mother I know that I should be upset and disappointed in her blatant bad attitude.  I mean a lot of parents can't afford something as expensive as an iTouch and she should be grateful for anything that she gets.  But, since she is my clone I totally get how she feels and know that like me, she can't help the way she feels.  I also hope that like me she will grow to at least hide her disappointment better or maybe even become less self-centered and enjoy just being with family and truly experience the joy of giving that perfect gift to someone.

This Christmas will be a good one.  Most of the items my girls asked for will be under the tree tomorrow morning and then we will spend our day with my family. And I can't wait to see the look of surprise and then the flash of guilt for being such a pain in the ass on Abigale's face and then the happiness that she will feel for at least the rest of the day. 

7 years

My mom died 7 years ago today.  At the time, I was angry and depressed, but mostly overwhelmed with sadness.  I didn't know I could hurt that bad.  Kind of like when Abigale was born and up until that very moment I had no clue I could love someone so deeply, it took the death of my mom for me to understand how deep hurt can go and how hard it is to come back from such a painful place.  Because she wanted to make it through the holidays so she wouldn't ruin Christmas for us, when she did die 2 days before Christmas I felt obligated to make it through that first Christmas for my girls and for my mom.  I really don't remember too much about that Christmas except that I was hollow on the inside.  I also remember that for about a month after she died, every time I walked outside my eyes would raise to the sky because I thought of her as being in heaven.

Now, here I am 7 years later reflecting on that time and it still very painful.  It also still hurts so bad that she isn't here.  And, I feel a little bit of guilt that I love my new stepmom so much.  I can't help it, she is like our guardian angel.  Without her my kids wouldn't have a grandmother and my dad would be completely lost.  He was lost until JoNell and he found each other.  I don't even allow myself to think about what would have happened if he hadn't found JoNell and built a new life with her.  The merging of our two families has brought so much to all of us and I really am grateful to have all of them in my life.  But, I still can't help but feel guilty for loving JoNell and her family so much.  If my mom hadn't died, she and my dad would still be together and my kids would have their Nana to love and spoil them.  But she did die and we had to move on.  For us, our kids and for my mom.  I believe deep down in my core that she would have wanted us to move on and if she can see us from where she is, she knows that JoNell is giving them the love and support that is so important for children to feel throughout their lives.

Well, I feel like 7 years is a long time and I have come a long way in 7 years.  She may be gone, but I talk to her and carry her in my heart always.  In 7 years, not one day has gone by that I haven't thought about her.  In some ways, I think more about her now then I did when she was alive.  I can't just call her up and ask her advice, I have to really think about what she would want me to do and "channel" that when making decisions.  I think these next 7 years will be easier.  The hole is still in my heart and it always will be, but I have escaped the clutch of depression and am ready to move forward and embrace what this life has in store for me.

The Flu Has Hit The Trent Family...

Things were going so well, too well.  Anytime our lives are running along smoothly, something always has to happen to remind us that we really aren't in control.  Well, this time is no different, so instead of enjoying our first Christmas in Texas and spending time with our family, Jay will be shivering and moaning in bed because he has the flu.  I feel so bad for him and wish there was more I could do for him.  He refused to go to the doctor, so short of Nyquil and trying to keep the house as quiet as possible for him, there really isn't much to be done.

The worst part is I am petrified that we will all get it.  Wouldn't that put a damper on our holiday spirit!  There's never a good time to get the flu, but this is possibly the worst time. Not only is Christmas 3 days away, I am attending a conference in Dallas January 3rd and it is something I just can't miss. 

Well, stay tuned and keep your fingers crossed!